Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Stupid Human Tricks.
The other night, I was topless and locked in a cage at a party.
Funny thing is, it wasn't very sexy. And I don't mean that in a bad way. It was relaxing, being curled up in an enclosed space. It was playful, hanging on the bars and acting like an animal. It was sociable, being in an area where people could come by and chat, have a seat on my cage and say hey. And, not to deny the kinkiness of it all, it was also a submissive experience having my freedom of movement cut off and being okay with that.
But hot? No. My undies were dry, my body relaxed, my mind not on sex. It was nothing to masturbate over, nothing to get you breathing heavy. It was just good clean fun.
Kink, for me, divides into two very distinct types. There's kink as a rollercoaster, a wild escape from the world and from the bounds of sensation itself, a feeling that has me screaming and groaning and losing my grip on reality and flying through endorphins and pleasure and agony. And then there's kink as a Stupid Human Trick.
It's obviously a bit context-dependent and idiosyncratic what qualifies as what, but for me, flogging is a rollercoaster; fireplay is a Stupid Human Trick. Punching is a rollercoaster; elaborate ropework is a Stupid Human Trick. Biting is a rollercoaster; fisting is, though a very intense sensation, not an intensely kinky one for me, and thus a Stupid Human Trick. Being dominated during rough sex is a rollercoaster; being dominated to "go make me a sandwich" is a Stupid Human Trick.
I probably shouldn't say "stupid" human trick, because they're not stupid at all. They're lots of fun. But they're more about "interesting ways to play with bodies and minds" than about being swept away by an all-consuming wave of sexual power. Maybe the clearest difference I could draw is that I think you have to be innately kinky to like rollercoaster kink, but anyone with an open mind can understand the appeal of Stupid Human Tricks kink.
This is of more than academic interest to me. It helps me get a handle on a problem that's been bugging me--namely, why I don't like receiving pain in most BDSM situations, and yet I fantasize and crave about receiving pain. It's not just because I'm hopelessly fickle and inconsistent. It's because there's two very distinct headspaces I associate with kink, and I only enjoy pain in one of them.
It takes a very particular sort of chemistry to get me ready to ride the rollercoaster that is pain. But I'm almost always up for the kind of kink that's more like "hey everybody, check out what I can do!"